October has been a busy month for me professionally. By day, I play superwoman in a medical office and if you are at all familiar with the recent changes in the healthcare community, all of our coding has changed. It is more arduous, tedious and time consuming. My brain is literally exhausted at the end of the day. Thank you to the genius who decided it was so important to add 57,000 new codes to my work load. I meticulously have to check every single code on an app on my phone in effort to teach myself the different codes and to ensure they are properly coded. Ok ok, enough about my boring job. This has been the reason why I haven't been able to write any new blogs or enlighten any of you on numerous topics.
This last month has had me thinking a lot about "MOM GUILT." So here I am as a single mother trying to balance working full time and being a mother, I have an awesome nanny who has been with me for two years and she is my right right right arm. I don't know what I would do without Haley and her constant support. She loves my son like her own.
As of 2015, 4 out of 10 moms are in the workforce now. I have been working full time since 2008 and it was definitely an eye opener. Leaving my precious boy all day at the sitter and not getting to spend the day or part of the day with him. I felt like I was missing so much. I missed my blonde haired, giggly little boy who happily ran every where and anywhere he could.
So how do we find that balance in our lives? Especially for moms in their thirties, most of us have just started families or have young children. Most of us have to go back to work to support our families with cost of living going up each year.
My advice to all moms: LET GO OF THE GUILT!
With my job, I know I am providing my son with a good life. Giving him a quality of life he wouldn't have if I wasn't working. I think about the fact I am able to save for college, save for us personally. I focus on the positives while he is at school now.
GET ORGANIZED! Grab those calendars and mark down everything professionally and personally. Make it a priority to have a family night. Make it a priority to sit down and have dinner together every night. Every other Saturday morning, S and I go to breakfast together. It is our special tradition. He always gets pancakes and I get bacon and eggs. He could easily rattle off what he want to the waitress immediately. I also make it a point to have an activity for the weekends he is with me. We attended the Northwestern game this weekend and even though we lost, he said it was a great game and he was so happy he got to go with me. I love those special moments with him.
Most parents ask their kids how their day was? I have found that asking Scotty this question simply gets me the reply, "good." So I have began asking what was the best part of your day? Did anything exciting happen? Did you learn anything new? It is nice to develop a different repertoire with him. He then is more engaged and wants to talk to me.
I take S to school every morning and I love it. We have a long drive to school since we moved to our new house, but now I have twenty extra minutes with him. Most of the time, we play music, dance and sing. I hope he someday he does this with his children and tells them how silly and goofy their grandma was when she took him to school. He also is my little navigator every day. He does ask me a lot of complicated questions about things usually in the morning when my brain is still trying to wake up, but I find it is the most valuable part of my day. Those twenty minutes mean the world to me.
I am blessed in the regard I work for my father so he is very flexible with my schedule. I can attend almost all of Scotty's school events like his talent show which I wouldn't miss as he always plays the piano every year! Make it a point to communicate with your employer about your children's events and the importance of attending those events, ask if you can take a longer lunch break or take PTO for an hour. You don't get that time back with your children. Trust me, they grow up way too fast!
For those of you with younger children, take breaks at work and call your children. Tell them hi and see how they are doing. I always make an effort to check on S after school and see how he is doing. I am usually told he is either singing happy songs, playing basketball or watching tv. I also pack little notes in his lunch, but I have began to send fewer notes because I think they now embarrass him as he is going to be 11 years old. He is beginning to be too cool for mom.
Thankfully, he told me yesterday that he would not have a girlfriend for 10 more years. I told him that was an excellent plan until he hits puberty and meets girls in high school and I am sure that plan will go down the drain quickly, as I have one of the most gregarious children ever. Little does he know, I will be having an arranged marriage for him per his father and my instruction. You think I am kidding, but I am seriously considering it. : )
We sometimes feel guilty for spending time with our significant other and making time with them and leaving our children, but it is so healthy to nurture and rejuvenate your relationship. They are your best friend in life and they come first. It is important to foster your marriage or dating relationship. You can do simple things together, go for a walk, eat lunch together, go out for coffee or have dinner together. Simply set a monthly date for each other. Juggling everything may seem like hard work, but making time for your spouse is crucial.
Also, make time for yourself. Go exercise. I love to do yoga personally. Read a book, take a bubble bath, go get a pedicure. Go for a run and decompress from the long week of working, tending to a spouse and children. You deserve it and you don't need to feel guilty about it at all. Lastly, get some rest each night and try to eat right! Yes, I know I know I need to stop drinking four diet cokes a day. Hey, I am a work in progress. I never confessed to be perfect, but perhaps I should start practicing some of these things myself.
To all you working moms, stay strong, you are the ultimate heroes in your children's lives and you are setting an amazing example for them. Let go of the guilt and praise yourself for the things you do for your family! It is not an easy job being SuperWoman at home and at work! Get it Done!
xx
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