Don't Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

Over the Summer, I found myself doing this a lot.....comparing myself to other women my age on Facebook.  At one point, I had to leave Facebook. I had to deactivate my account completely and say enough. I had to tell myself to stop comparing myself to all those shining glossy perfect smiling faces.  I assumed I was the only one who had problems, frustrations and heartache in my life.

Yes, I thought at my AGE I had to have the perfect job, the perfect husband, the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect car and the list goes on and on....  I thought I am 35 and I don't have four kids, a BMW and I am not working in corporate America.  I had to step back and realize that maybe my life is perfect the way it is as God intended.  I also realized some people are achieving more than me and that is ok.  I have to focus on being the best version of me for myself and my son.  Plus life would be so boring if each human being was the same, it would be very very vanilla.  

And Guess what? I'm human! I do not have a perfect life.  My child argues with me about homework every night, IPAD time and going to bed.  The dog also doesn't listen to me either and he looks so perfect in pictures too with his adorable face.  Just know, Morgan ate a whole box of Wheat Thins left on the couch the other night and he was in BIG trouble.

I have had to learn to let go and let God.  Trust me, as the oldest of five kids not an easy thing to do when you are a perfectionist at heart.

I also became jealous of other families taking elaborate vacations.  A friend and I had coffee the other morning.  She was telling me her son wants to go Hawaii and I said I would love to take my son on a glorious vacation as well.  The reality, we have to pay for groceries, gas, house payments, car payments, medical bills and those vacations take a backseat to life and taking care of our priorities in front of us.  

As a child, I didn't think about going to Hawaii or California.  Up until I was eight years old, we traveled to Kansas City for summer vacation.  I didn't know even different then and I thought it was the greatest vacation.  We swam in the pool at the Adam's Mark pool, we went to a Kansas City Royals game and we went to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun.  I thought we were rich and we had the best life. At that time, I didn't know the reality of any financial struggle my parents were facing.

Also, my parents have taken my family on trips as well this year including a wonderful trip to Nevada and Minnesota. I am so grateful to them, as they continue to give my son vacations to amazing places and best of these, Minnesota. I do my best to think of those things any time I say I don't have enough or I think I need more in my life.  

But I think as mothers and women, we get caught in that trap.  We find ourselves engrossed in what social media is feeding us.  Look at Jane Doe from my son's school leading the perfect life, honestly we do not know what goes on behind closed doors.  Why did Jane Doe and the women from school go out without me? Why the hell weren't they inviting me to do anything with them?!?  We find ourselves reverting back to high school mentality.  I was asking myself why everyone else was having a life and I wasn't included.  

I had to remind myself that Jane could be leading a very different life than portrayed on Facebook. Yes, everything looks so neat and tidy on social media, but trust me, couples fight, kids kick, scream, argue and don't go to bed on time and yes, some wives do hate their mother in laws (gasp!) and husbands are not always faithful.  They just do not broadcast this information on social media.  And yes, I wasn't included in their group outings, but I wasn't making an effort to be friends with them either or reaching out to them.  I realized it was a two way street.  

You will see a younger or uneducated generation more apt to announce their heartaches, disappointments and issues on Facebook than our generation.  

Also, we get caught up in Instagram too, celebrities posting their whole life stories about botox, boob lifts, butt lifts and liposuction.   I am all natural, baby! I have had to accept the fact that I am 35.  Yes, that is my age.  I am not going to Benjamin Button my way out of this.  I have stretch marks, I have cellulite and gravity is taking over in other areas.  That is just reality, but Victoria Secret has helped me achieve some leverage over gravity.  Embrace getting older, embrace everything about it and love your body and yourself.  

You may not end up where you thought you were suppose to be, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.  I have learned that along the way.  Ultimately, the best way to enjoy your life is to stop comparing your life to others.  

xx

Being ThirtySomething

Talk ThirtySomething to Me

 

Yes, I like to go to bed at 9 p.m. on the week days, I love coffee at 6 a.m., I would rather hang out with my 10 year old than any other person in the world, I appreciate and value my family and siblings more now at 35 than I ever have in my life.

Whether you are single, married, divorced, widowed....
going through a divorce, getting married  or any of the above....

Your thirties are a decade to remember, my dad always says it was the best decade of his life. You have survived your twenties. You have grown, learned a few things on this path called life, fallen on your face 12,000 times and picked yourself back up again.  Now in your 30s, friends and family alike have started families or they are beginning families.  Your thirties are full of a different kind of hope and vigor compared to your twenties.  Also, you know yourself a little bit better in your 30's.  You know your likes and dislikes.  You can name your favorite movie, favorite food, favorite car....so on...

So what is my blog about....life....life in your 30s.  How totally unexpected it can, how happy it can be, how sad it can be, how joyful it can be, how messy it can be, how fun it can be, but at the end of the day...you must realize each day is a brand new day and you get a fresh start each and every day.  That is pretty damn amazing! 

So here is a few things you can start doing today to make your day better:

LEAVE THE DRAMA AT THE DOOR! 
You also learn as a 30 year old the drama is so not worth the time or the energy.  You lose friends and you gain new ones.  So get rid of the crappy people in your life who drag you down, all the negative people who suck the energy out of you.  They are not worth your time.  Trust me, you are better off without them.  Focus on the people who bring positives into your life and lift you up, especially those who bring joy to your life and make you smile.  At 35, like me, you get to a point where you you make a choice to be happy for yourself and it will lead you down a path you never imagined.  A yellow brick road of peace, serenity and calm. Invest in your family, your siblings, your nieces and nephews and your relationship with your parents.

AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY
Start taking better care of yourself, yes I go to bed every night around 9 p.m.  My mom gives me a hard time.  She and my dad are in their 50s and I swear they are nocturnal.  They always have been and they always will be.  Drink water, less alcohol perhaps more red wine.  Also, take your vitamins.  I didn't know until two years ago I had low Vitamin D.  I now take a Vitamin D supplement every day, a multivitamin and Vitamin B12 for an energy booster.  Also for all you hot babes out there, make an effort to quit smoking now. Your lungs will thank you in your forties and fifties.  One of my favorite snacks has become almonds and replace them for that mid afternoon Snickers if you need to snack or replace that Twix bar with an orange or an apple. 

LET GO AND LET GOD
Stop worrying about the little things.  I have had to focus on letting go of certain things I cannot control. It is not an easy thing for me to do personally.  It takes so much of our mental energy and time to focus on the little things.  Worrying doesn't get you anywhere, it is just like a rocking chair.  I realize I could be finding simple solutions for the problems and move on from it.  Then I can focus on my son and he is the most important thing.  The little crap is not worth it! I pray to St. Teresa.  I keep her prayer card in my purse. When I have moment of stress, I take out my prayer card and I say the prayer.  It helps me feel better inside and I find myself able to move on with my day. 

ACTS OF KINDNESS
One of the things my mom has always told me, do nice things for others and do not expect them to say thank you.  I enjoy doing nice things for others.  I started doing a few things for my co workers last year and I need to get back into the habit of it again.  One day I bought them flowers and then the next month I bought them both gift cards to Starbucks.  I wasn't expecting anything in return.  I simply wanted them both to know how much I appreciated all their hard work.  Be generous with your time also.  Offer to babysit for your friends for free if they need a night out from their children.  Also, do not expect a thank you.  Do not expect anything in return. Just know in your heart you are doing an amazing act for someone else.

xx