Don't Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

Over the Summer, I found myself doing this a lot.....comparing myself to other women my age on Facebook.  At one point, I had to leave Facebook. I had to deactivate my account completely and say enough. I had to tell myself to stop comparing myself to all those shining glossy perfect smiling faces.  I assumed I was the only one who had problems, frustrations and heartache in my life.

Yes, I thought at my AGE I had to have the perfect job, the perfect husband, the perfect family, the perfect house, the perfect car and the list goes on and on....  I thought I am 35 and I don't have four kids, a BMW and I am not working in corporate America.  I had to step back and realize that maybe my life is perfect the way it is as God intended.  I also realized some people are achieving more than me and that is ok.  I have to focus on being the best version of me for myself and my son.  Plus life would be so boring if each human being was the same, it would be very very vanilla.  

And Guess what? I'm human! I do not have a perfect life.  My child argues with me about homework every night, IPAD time and going to bed.  The dog also doesn't listen to me either and he looks so perfect in pictures too with his adorable face.  Just know, Morgan ate a whole box of Wheat Thins left on the couch the other night and he was in BIG trouble.

I have had to learn to let go and let God.  Trust me, as the oldest of five kids not an easy thing to do when you are a perfectionist at heart.

I also became jealous of other families taking elaborate vacations.  A friend and I had coffee the other morning.  She was telling me her son wants to go Hawaii and I said I would love to take my son on a glorious vacation as well.  The reality, we have to pay for groceries, gas, house payments, car payments, medical bills and those vacations take a backseat to life and taking care of our priorities in front of us.  

As a child, I didn't think about going to Hawaii or California.  Up until I was eight years old, we traveled to Kansas City for summer vacation.  I didn't know even different then and I thought it was the greatest vacation.  We swam in the pool at the Adam's Mark pool, we went to a Kansas City Royals game and we went to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of Fun.  I thought we were rich and we had the best life. At that time, I didn't know the reality of any financial struggle my parents were facing.

Also, my parents have taken my family on trips as well this year including a wonderful trip to Nevada and Minnesota. I am so grateful to them, as they continue to give my son vacations to amazing places and best of these, Minnesota. I do my best to think of those things any time I say I don't have enough or I think I need more in my life.  

But I think as mothers and women, we get caught in that trap.  We find ourselves engrossed in what social media is feeding us.  Look at Jane Doe from my son's school leading the perfect life, honestly we do not know what goes on behind closed doors.  Why did Jane Doe and the women from school go out without me? Why the hell weren't they inviting me to do anything with them?!?  We find ourselves reverting back to high school mentality.  I was asking myself why everyone else was having a life and I wasn't included.  

I had to remind myself that Jane could be leading a very different life than portrayed on Facebook. Yes, everything looks so neat and tidy on social media, but trust me, couples fight, kids kick, scream, argue and don't go to bed on time and yes, some wives do hate their mother in laws (gasp!) and husbands are not always faithful.  They just do not broadcast this information on social media.  And yes, I wasn't included in their group outings, but I wasn't making an effort to be friends with them either or reaching out to them.  I realized it was a two way street.  

You will see a younger or uneducated generation more apt to announce their heartaches, disappointments and issues on Facebook than our generation.  

Also, we get caught up in Instagram too, celebrities posting their whole life stories about botox, boob lifts, butt lifts and liposuction.   I am all natural, baby! I have had to accept the fact that I am 35.  Yes, that is my age.  I am not going to Benjamin Button my way out of this.  I have stretch marks, I have cellulite and gravity is taking over in other areas.  That is just reality, but Victoria Secret has helped me achieve some leverage over gravity.  Embrace getting older, embrace everything about it and love your body and yourself.  

You may not end up where you thought you were suppose to be, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.  I have learned that along the way.  Ultimately, the best way to enjoy your life is to stop comparing your life to others.  

xx